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Posted by / 02-Jun-2016 03:51

He’s a recent widower (wife died of cancer in June 2010.) We started dating just after Labor Day. We live about an hour and 1/2 apart and he has a very high level job and a big house to take care of (and a dog.) There has been no sex yet but lots of “foreplay.” He says he always waits to have sex until he’s more sure of the woman.I want to see more of him at this point (3 months,) especially on Saturday nights.After date number four, when things began to get serious, it was my sister, ironically, who warned me about having a relationship with a man who was probably still grieving.But during the following weeks Tim slowly told me about Jane’s diagnosis, her illness, the fight she put up and her preparations for death.I had fallen in love and wanted to know everything about this incredible man, including what had happened.Being with someone whose first wife has died – a wife he loved very much – has the potential for a difficult subsequent relationship: a past love that can never be matched (not that it should be a competition), a woman who doesn’t grow old, rosy-hued memories that will only ever gain lustre, worries about comparisons that can’t be checked face to face.A study conducted in 1996 found that, by 25 months after a spouse's death, 61% of widowers (men) were either remarried or in a new romance compared to just 19% of widows (women), but this is by no means a case of 'one size fits all'.Patience is therefore of the essence in the early days of dating, as both you and your new partner will be trying to weigh up if this is a road you are ready to go down."The widow or widower is either ready to move on or they're not.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no specific time frame.

Maybe they're new to the dating scene and are nervous; maybe they've just come off the back of a long-term relationship; maybe they're grieving for a loved one and are struggling to come to terms with their loss.

For someone who has been recently widowed, there's a good chance that all three of the above scenarios are true.

They were quiet conversations, for some reason always after Sunday breakfast in the flat Tim had shared with Jane.

They lasted for as long as Tim needed to talk, and I was happy to have them.

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I want to be sure that I am getting my needs met and that I’m not just a “rebound” for him. Dear Karen, One thing I know about widowers, followed by two things I know about men.

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